Mon. May 28, 2018
While everyone my age is out partying I am home with the family.
I slept for a long time. I fell asleep at 1am and did not get up until 12 this afternoon. The depression of losing my four-legged friend is hitting me hard. To try and forget it I hurried myself to work. As soon as I got up I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Back in my room I grab a pair of sneakers that I use for manual labor and out the door. I did not even change out of my sleep ware nor did I eat breakfast.
The plan for today was yard duty. The lawn needed to be cut and around the house needed some work. The lawn had already been started so I picked up from there. After finishing that I trimmed the hedges on the side of the house. It separates our house from our neighbor’s. Ever since the new couple moved in it has not been taken care of so I did my side of it. It looks funny from a street view. On one side it is nicely cut while on the other it is wild. I also cropped off the branches from our Christmas tree we had this past December. The city never came to get it so once it was in pieces I through it into our firepit.
With the branches gone I was left with the trunk. My father is a crafty man so he can use it to make a staff. With a bit of forming, sanding and staining it will look amazing. He has made one before and it came out great.
Finished and time to go!
Around 3:15pm I packed everything up and ran inside to shower off the sweat, grass, and tree bark. Between tree sap and tar, I am not sure which one sucks more to take off. No matter how much soap I used the sap was stuck to me. I had little brown dots all over my hand. I even used a scraper to loosen it up. It was a pain.
Note to self: USE GLOVES!
15 minutes after my shower my girlfriend comes to get me. In her backseat were balloons and a bouquet of flowers for my sister. After bringing those in the house we left to get an ice cream cake from Carvel. On the way we discovered we were both hungry. I completely forget to eat. We tried to get something light from the pizza place next door but it did not look fresh or appetizing. I say ‘something light’ because my father was grilling chicken in the backyard for my sister’s birthday. But since the pizza did not call our attention we went down the street to Applebee’s. This is where we messed up.
The plan to have something small failed. We thought we would be safe with drinks and appetizers. It sounded safe until our 2 sangria’s, 2 appetizers, and plate of fries came out to us. Way too much food. The appetizers were larger portions than we thought they would be. We were full halfway through it. By the time 6pm rolled around we were staggering out the door with over filled bellies.
Before heading back to Carvel, we stopped at Payless Shoes. We needed to walk off the food and I needed new work shoes to beat up. After 3 years of not working there the styles have barely changed. At least I found something comfortable. Thank you for the discount lonely worker.
Back at Carvel we get a cake that said ‘Happy Birthday Jo!‘, coconut ice cream, vanilla ice cream and a pistachio milkshake for myself.
645pm. Back home and waiting for my sister to come home.
We were all worried. Mom, dad, girlfriend, me. Within 10 minutes she was outside.
It went as we thought it would. She was parked in the driveway crying in her car. I did not know what to do. My mother was consoling her. I greeted my nephew and brought him inside. I did not want him to hear his mother weeping in the front seat. But when I got inside I realized there was no playpen. I left the baby with my girlfriend as I went back outside for it. This time it was just us. I cried in sorrow with her. Sobbing in her arms. She needed me and yet I was was the one being held. But after a while we calmed down and so I left with the playpen in my hands.
About an hour and a half later my sister comes in. It was hard to do but she had to use the bathroom. When she finished we all ate dinner – barbeque chicken, white sweet potato, mac and cheese, corn. My girlfriend and I dreaded the food but ate out of respect. We were so stuffed that moving was a challenge.
Around 10pm we had some alone time. We set “The Good Doctor” up on the big screen and laid out. It felt great.
Thank you to everyone who has fought for the freedom of this country!
“Lift up your eyes. Don’t get lost in your troubles. Dare to believe that good things will happen.” – Max Lucado
Sun. May 27, 2018
I cried myself to sleep last night. The feeling of coming home alone was depressing. All I could think about was how my sister is going to react when she gets back. Needless to say, waking up this morning was hard. If I did not have to work I would stay in bed all day. But I guess it is good that I am forced to leave. That I way I do not fall deeper into the that feeling of despair. To make the mood worse it is gloomy and wet. It had been raining all morning with the sun completely covered in clouds.
Time to get started.
By 8:30am I was dressed sitting in front of my computer with a bowl of cereal in my hand. For some reason I cannot remember what I ate. To start the day off I watched a Logan Paul Vlogs video on YouTube. He is loud and sometimes obnoxious but he is entertaining. His stupidity makes me laugh and I appreciate he drive to be successful. A good amount of time watching him can be inspiring, it just depends on what you see.
Around 8:45 I was outside in the rain trying to fit a dolly, or hand cart, into the trunk of my 2000 Honda Civic. Imagine a clown car and trying to fit an elephant in it. I did not try to hard but I also could not get it to fit. I was hoping to use it today to move a fridge but I gave up have up after 2 minutes of struggling. At times like these is when I think about dishing out a couple grand and getting an SUV. I have always wanted a Jeep Grand Cherokee so maybe before winter I will reconsider the thought.
Finally, on the move.
I got the lady I work with by 9:30am. On time. We spent an hour getting things together and carrying the fridge from her house, down the driveway and then loading it up. It was a small project. We had to move the table over to get it out the side door but then realized it would not fit. Then we had to move the table back over to carry it through the living room and out the front door. It was not that bad but with my sleep level low it was annoying. I’m glad her son was there to help.
Since it was a rainy day and he had nothing to do he also worked with us. It was a blessing in disguise because I was loopy and needed backup. I did not trust myself to be able to help out fully. With him there, where I lacked he picked up. Besides that, he makes me laugh and I needed that.
Before heading to our catering location we stopped at Dunkin‘ Donuts for breakfast. Since I had cereal earlier I just order hash browns and a pistachio frozen coffee. Two days in a row and hopefully three tomorrow. Unfortunately, it did not taste the same as yesterday. It lacked something but since I have only had it two times before, I could not tell what was missing. Either way it was still good.
The entire 45 minute car ride to the catering I barely spoke. I could not find it in me to be social. I knew that I was being rude by staying silent but it could not be helped. I had to force myself to be part of whatever was being said with short answers or comments.
We arrived to our destination around 11:30. It was beautiful! A lovely place for a sweet 16. Upon arrival we met the parents and could already tell they were great. For the party there was a bounce house, a massive tent to keep everyone dry, four food vendors, a DJ, and an amazing landscape view. If I could throw a party for myself there, I would.
We were not there for too long, 4 hours. We spent from 1 – 5pm serving whoever came by. Once 5:30 came around we were driving away headed back to my car. At her house about 50 mins later, we unload and I say goodbye. Normally I would have stayed a bit longer and chatted but I had enough socializing for one day. I was ready to relax in my bed.
By 7:30 I was home, showered up and sitting in front of the computer. I began watching a Japanese drama show from 2009 called “Kami no Shizuku” yesterday. It is about wine tasting so I picked up where I left off. The show reminds me of an anime because of how dramatic it is so I really into it. I even told the lady I work with to check it out. It is a pretty great show.
“Loving memories last forever, I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for peace and comfort.”
– Leo Buscaglia
Sat. May 26, 2018
The hardest day of my life…
I woke up without wanting to leave. But I had plans, fun ones.
I tried to wake up at 9am but since I went to bed at 4 in the morning it was rough. I did not roll out of bed until 10:45am. It was going to be 91 degrees today so I got dressed in the best summer wear I could find. It had been a while since I wore shorts and it felt great. On the way out of the house I had a banana for breakfast to go with my vitamin.
Before actually leaving the house, I ran upstairs to check on my sister’s dog. She left last night around 1:30am to beat the traffic on the way to Ohio. She has a friend that lives out there and wanted to celebrate her birthday together. This was also my nephews first time to Ohio so it was exciting. But something was off. Immediately I did not feel right. Usually Precious, the dog, is playful but for some reason was calm. She also drank two bowls of water back to back and had no interest in eating. It was very unusual. But I picked up her mess, tried my best to feed her (no luck), and took off.
12:30pm. Time to begin my journey.
The first and most important thing was making a bank run. My account was low and needed some funds. I had my money pilling up at home, which is not safe, because I had not had the time to make a deposit. Feeling good about my newly funded account I made my next stop at Dunkin’ Donuts. The other day I had an amazing flavored frozen coffee that I needed another dose of. The delicious pistachio frozen coffee. This time I got a large to pair up with the weather. Finally, on my way to the actual target with the windows down, music loud and having a great time. To Merrill Park I went where the company I work for was having a picnic. I was late, arriving at 1pm, but most people showed up right with me.
Then the unexpected happened.
Around 2pm my mother calls me crying. She had went to check on the dog only to witness an unforgettable sight. Precious was laid out on the floor not moving. I dropped everything from my hands and without saying bye took off. I became speed racer within a moment’s notice. The road become mine as my senses heightened.
Home in a flash, I ran upstairs. I had told my mother to put her in the tub and run a cold shower. It is said that for a baby having a seizer it helps with body temperature so I figured it could help this situation as well. I found Precious still in the tub with a wet towel over her. After rubbing her and talking to her she started to respond slowly. Once I saw her attempting to move I took her out of the tub and placed her onto a dry towel that I had laid out on the floor. Then I wrapped her in it to dry her off a bit. A year ago almost to date she had her first seizer but walked it off after an hour and a half of rest. Little did I know this was just the beginning.
About an hour later she got up and tried to walk. She was successful with my aid but she was not fully coherent. She was walking but blindly. She could sense the doors, walls, and my hands but nothing more. She trailed around the hallway like a zombie clinging to the wall. Shortly after she was on her second seizer. All I could think was, Why did my sister go away this weekend?
With this one I knew all hope was lost but I tried to help her anyway. I could sense the fight in her. She wanted to be better but did not know how to. When she would try to force herself, I would sooth her into laying back down. She needed to regain strength before attempting to walk again. After about 3 hours, it was now 9pm, I knew she was not going recover. She had tried to walk only to fall over and seize again. This time I knew all the care I was providing her with was not going to help. I was losing her. I rushed her to the animal emergency room where the doctor told me what I had already known. I hoped for different words.
10:30pm comes around and I have to sign off on a nightmare.
I had to sign a euthanized sheet. Precious had another seizure on site with the veterinaries watching over her and nothing in their power to help. She was unresponsive. My sister and I could not stand to see her suffer. We waited for an hour before making the final decision but the time was selfishly for our sake. We could not bear the thought of losing her.
As they brought Precious in the room she laid still with a blank stare. I would like to believe she knew I was there but I was not sure. As she laid there she began to have another episode. After seeing it so many times in one day my heart was broken. The best thing that happened was the medicine she got to calm her down. It was bitter sweet. I knew what was next. It was time to ease her pain. The part I wish I did not have to witness. It was time to take away the pain and put her mind at ease.
The most difficult part was doing all of this through FaceTime with my sister. This dog, Precious, has been part of the family for 14 years and with a snap was no more. She was brought into our home when she was just a month old. The smallest cutest pup. I left the house with a dog and walked back in without one. Truly an unbelievable day. But she survived cancer, lost a toe, brought us great joy, had an amazing mustache, looked the best scruffy, and lived to see my sister give birth. You will forever be missed. We love you, Precious the miniature Schnauzer.
05/14/2004 – 05/26/2018
Thank you front desk lady for letting me use your phone. I tried to keep it as dry as possible but it was hard.
“It doesn’t matter where you came from. All that matters is where you are going.”- Brian Tracy
Fri. May 25, 2018
The later I go to bed the harder it is to wake up in the mornings. I do not understand how people wake up with 3 – 6 hours of sleep and are fully functional. For the longest time I always thought something was wrong with me but with every yearly check-up I pass with an A+. I am perfectly healthy but still always tired. I wonder what it could be?
The day starts!
My alarm was set to go off at 8:30 in the morning. I had high hopes of that happening but did not get up until 10:30am. My plan to take advantage of the small gap before work was ruined. Nothing that I planned to do got done. Even with an hour to spare, time went by faster than I could use it.
Work started at 12:30pm at Pier 13. Our weekly scheduled date. From where I live the drive takes about 45 minutes to an hour depending on traffic. In order to make it on time I typically leave an hour a head. But today the GPS said 35 minutes so I left a bit later at 11:45. That was a mistake. When I got in the car I realized that I had forgot to get gas last night. I was going to be late for sure.
Officially on the road by noon I tried my best to rush through traffic. I did not get far because every highway I needed to take was too tight to make any decent moves. By the time I got to the parking garage to leave to my car it was 12:45. An exact hour’s trip between getting gas, highway jams and paying the meter. As I was walking to meet the lady I work with she was driving off. She needed to make a run to the store for a few things. Setting up was my priority!
A big headache.
The one thing I hate the most is having power issues, especially in the summer. On the hottest day possible I could not get the power to work. I must have tried nine different outlets at least three times each with no positive outcome. Something around us kept throwing the reset switch on the power box. I literally had to stop, take a breath and tell myself that I was going to have to tap into my island blood and work in the heat. (Little fun fact about me: anything over 68 degrees and I get cranky.) After about an hour of aggravation we, the lady I work with, an employee of the pier and I, figured out it was the fridge through process of elimination. The fridge died! Good thing we had a spare one, not as big, to keep the important items cold.
After figuring that out, the rest of the day went well. At first things started off slow but around 4:30 – 5pm it began to pick up. Foot traffic was heavy, it was a nice warm night and people were ready to wind down after work. I must have drunk 5 bottles of water and 2 cans of soda just to keep myself hydrated. It was so consistent that I barely had a chance to eat a full meal. I picked at things here and there just to keep my stomach from eating itself. There was no time for anything.
Around 11:30pm we finished up and shut down. Everyone but us was ready to leave. One by one they drove past us and said ‘good night.’ By 12:30am we were alone with security. Luckily his job requires him to be there overnight or else the guilt of making him wait for us would have been horrible. By 1am we finally left and were on our way home.
Late night drive to Ohio.
My sister was leaving to Ohio for the weekend to celebrate her birthday with an old college friend. It was way past 1 in the morning but her plan was to beat the crazy Memorial Day traffic out of the state. To be honest I would have never thought of that and left during traffic hour. She definitely thought it though. After saying goodbye to her and my nephew I hoped in the shower to wash off the sweat. I finished washing a load of clothes that were in the washer and sat down to write for a bit. By 3:45am I was in bed ready to go into a deep sleep.
I still have to wake up early tomorrow. Things must get done!